Funkita

This print is dedicated to Mrs Henderson, our Grade 1 art teacher, who failed us for our potato print and told us we had no future in the visual arts. We think about her often. Specifically, we think about her every time one of...

There is great excitement about finally sending humans back to the Moon, but little is known about our own private mission to send monkeys back into space. After some of the great monkeynauts of yester-year, think Ham, Gordo, Miss Sam, our new breed of...

After years of development, we have finally launched our new AI system to eliminate the need for any humans to ever work again. As our first demonstration, we asked our system to create the most intricate, beautiful and transformative print ever created. This is...

Post-Christmas is the best time to rummage through the neighbours’ bins in search of discarded presents and toys that would make the perfect pattern when stuck together. This Christmas didn’t disappoint, well it obviously did for our neighbours, as there was plenty of junk...

With all the problems going on in the world, the one thing we all need right now is another social media platform. Which is why we’re so excited to announce that we are launching our very own platform! Our promise to you is that...

As you know, we take sustainability seriously, so seriously in fact we are often seen out on the street before the garbage truck collecting your recycled cardboard boxes to transform into our beautiful swimwear. Our priority is old pizza boxes which really bring out...

It is important when created any new products these days to ensure that it has the promise of anti-aging properties. So after much brainstorming and discussion, we have concluded that our latest print absorbs and disburses positive ions from the atmosphere into the skin,...

As any good coach will tell you, prancing around the pool is just as important as a heart rate set in the water. So if your coach ever tells you to get in the water and swim, you just stand tall on one leg...

One of the few remaining annoyances with swimming, aside from wet hair, cold mornings, lingering chlorine and the black line is taking off your wet swimwear, which is why we have invented the curtain swimwear. Simply pull on the cord hidden inside your garment...

We pitched our latest innovation to a bunch of business wonks about our swimwear that can swim by itself. Imagine simply relaxing on your towel while watching your swimwear do your laps for you. They listened, nodded thoughtfully, then rejected it as completely absurd....

If you were looking to be inspired by a marine creature for their incredible speed and manoeuvrability in the water, the weedy sea dragon would not be it. Propelled by two tiny fins working at up to seventy beats per second, it travels at...

As any good coach will tell you, prancing around the pool is just as important as a heart rate set in the water. So if your coach ever tells you to get in the water and swim, you just stand tall on one leg...

Our new thermostatic fabric is so effective it can cool your core body temperature to mimic a cold-blooded reptilian. This allows you to sunbathe all day, without experiencing any desire to seek shade or a dip to cool off. Unfortunately, it also means that...

Finally our views have been vindicated by a rapidly growing school of maverick scientists who are now backing our long-held belief that fur is the optimal surface for streamlining through the water. For years we have observed fully-grown, hairy-bodied men skimming further across the...

Finally our views have been vindicated by a rapidly growing school of maverick scientists who are now backing our long-held belief that fur is the optimal surface for streamlining through the water. For years we have observed fully-grown, hairy-bodied men skimming further across the...

Finally our views have been vindicated by a rapidly growing school of maverick scientists who are now backing our long-held belief that fur is the optimal surface for streamlining through the water. For years we have observed fully-grown, hairy-bodied men skimming further across the...

Adventure influencers are creating a new market for our swimwear by encouraging their followers to ditch their unsexy, fleecy outer layers and adopting a more aesthetically pleasing, algorithm-friendly approach to mountaineering. Stripping down and conquering some of the world's greatest peaks in bare skin...

Historians that we employ, agree with our assessment that in the late Wild West there came a moment when the sheriff decided constant shoot-outs were not promoting healthy lifestyle choices. So, in a bold public-health pivot, it was directed that disputes would be settled...

Our team of engineers is always looking to push the technical boundaries of swimwear development and so have spent three years mastering a swimsuit that doubles as a personal flotation device. The inflation procedure simply follows the standard airline emergency protocol by pulling down...

Contrary to popular belief, cupids haven't always been the lovable, chubby babies everyone makes them out to be. Many were born angry, erratic and completely unlovable with the only reasonable punishment to cast them into stone so they could be cemented onto buildings and...

On their regular tropical island holiday jaunt, the design team searched the racks of every souvenir shop to find the very worst Hawaiian shirt on sale. Returning to the office, we laid them out and crowned one as the absolute champion of bad taste,...

Fresh off their last assignment typing the entirety of human knowledge into the world's leading AI language models, our trained monkeys were ready for their next challenge. We gave them each a very fine pen and set them to work. Every single intricate dot...

Our scientists have finally unveiled the first-ever human submarine by enclosing a thin layer of liquid in our swimwear that wraps around your body while swimming. This allows you to sink silently to the bottom of the pool and proceed to swim along the...

This print has earned the title of the most expensive print we have ever created. Upon advice from our lawyers, it was necessary to purchase the entire meadow, mountains and valley in the scene before proceeding to paint it to avoid any copyright claims...

In hindsight, when smart people started talking about wearable technology a few years back, we should have done more research into what exactly they meant before diving headlong into our own development. Because it wasn't clear that they meant capturing real-time biometric data instead...

Adventure influencers are creating a new market for our swimwear by encouraging their followers to ditch their unsexy, fleecy outer layers and adopting a more aesthetically pleasing, algorithm-friendly approach to mountaineering. Stripping down and conquering some of the world's greatest peaks in bare skin...

Mad on getting muscles but not mad on making them? Do it the easy way with our latest invention, the wearable, pig muscle transplant. Simple slip into your very own sheath of muscle fibres to double your strength so you can swim, run and...

Mad on getting muscles but not mad on making them? Do it the easy way with our latest invention, the wearable, pig muscle transplant. Simple slip into your very own sheath of muscle fibres to double your strength so you can swim, run and...

As you know, if the bees die, we all die. With this dire outcome in mind, our scientists have been working around the clock to ensure we do everything we can to keep the bees happy. Which is why our latest swimwear is made...

The perfect training suit with full upper leg coverage and wide elastic shoulder straps to provide exceptional comfort and support while swimming. Panelled to provide a smooth fit on the body. Made from ECO C-INFINITY a 100% chlorine resistant fabric with exceptional colours, giving...